Masterpiece Returns with Promise of More to Come

I’m already happily addicted to the show. I love time period shows. This is to notch!

The Journal at ECU

REVIEW   ‘Downton Abbey,’ Season Five Forges Ahead, Chin Up

By Carl Lewis, Editor-in-Chief

“Downton Abbey, Season Five” created by Julian Fellowes


Where: PBS

When: Sunday at 8 p.m.

Cost: Free

For fans of history and period dramas, nothing warms the cockles of the heart quite like those telltale chords signifying an immersive return to Yorkshire.

All the promise of intrigue, love and betrayal play out as the Crawley family once again struggles with finding their place in a changing world.

Though the season begins sluggishly, the plotline picks up rather dramatically at the midpoint. Secrets are revealed and new questions arise as to what the future holds for this family who seems perpetually perched atop a precipice, ready to fall at any moment.

One of the most nagging questions viewers had on their minds at the outset of season five was whether or not the Earl of Grantham et al would be returning for a sixth season…

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Is it time to Re-Invent?


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Alright, it has been a sad and disappointing week.
I hope is working well.

It’s all my fault you see. I have allowed my anxiety and depression control me. I have allowed anger into my heart and soul.
I feel tainted and exhausted.
Why? Because I cannot control a situation.

I am having severe difficulties in letting go of the past.
I am petrified that if I let go of people that I have loved and passed on, I will be an empty shell.
What will become of me if I let it all go and stopped disliking Co workers? They did me wrong.

How can I grab ambition and focus again?
I am easily distracted.

My therapist and psychiatrist are wonderful,  but I am the one who has to do the work. They guide.

Now that it is spring and the sun is warmer, what about reinventing myself?

Are small changes bad?
Is tweaking my life a bad idea?

I do know that I must tune out my coworkers. Some are wonderful but a fifty percent portion is greedy, nosy, gossip mongers, etc…
I know that I need to let the dead rest in peace.
But how?

Yes I am a work in progress.
I’m glad that I have a therapist appointment in a few days. She helps.

Do you believe that reinventing on a small scale is a good idea?
I’d like to know.

Be well!

And I’ll do my best to believe it can be better.


Depression Hurts Deeply



isn’t life supposed to be beautiful and wondrous ? Where is it? Is it a crock of whoohey? Or has depression truly gaveled myself down?

I try so hard every day to cheer up. I hope and pray. I continuously say that my frown will be upside down.

Then I cry and cry until my eyes want to fall out of their sockets.

How does one cheer yourself up?

I have tried so many variety of ideas and failed.

I am exhausted and it is late now.

I shall look at my dream condominium before I get to sleep. My third sleep.

It is all I feel like doing right now. 

I am sorry.  I will do better for tomorrow .

I will try.

A Hobby to Expand


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When is a hobby just a hobby?
Can it turn your life around?

That’s exactly what I am trying to do.
Depression has such lows in my life that I feel I shall never escape. My zero desire only grows bigger.
Yes my friend Erica is wonderful. Yes her advice to me is spot on. She’s right, but I am the one who has to put it to action.
That is a tall order for me most times.

I take interest in various activities, but my enjoyment level is always short lived.

One of my many hobbies are:

I’m very much hoping to expand my time and dig into these hobbies.
It would be great if they can uplift my depression and point me to a better road of self fulfillment.

I’m working on this picture and hope to show you when completed.


The sketch and painting of a woman’s lips.

A Beautiful Friend and Reminder


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What can a person say about a friend who is so special and so generous that it brings tears to your eyes.

That is how I feel about my friend Erica. A welcomed surprise, my friend. It started out as business, but it became a friendship to me.
No, not the kind that you call each other every thirty minutes and yap away. No, not the kind that giggles like school girls.
Those were fun times, when it was age appropriate.

Now is not that time. Erica is my mentor, my inspiration and hope for my future.

No I have not put her or anyone else on any pedestal, but I am just so grateful to know her. I learned more from Erica than I could in any Ivy League college.
She is for real and I am honored and blessed to know her.

When I am down in the dumps and I reach out to her, I get a little pep talk and a push to stop it, don’t be scared and just do it.

Sounds easy, right? Well, I did take her advice and I must admit that she was right. There are some things, some decisions that should have swift action without thinking.
My thinking could have exploded my anxiety and made me fall into a deeper depression.

Not with Erica to talk to. She’s that special. She is objective and a realist, as far as I can see, and I love it.

I am tired of having those sad days. It still gets very difficult to get up from the waters of depressive drowning, but with Erica’s words of work hard, study hard, never give up and just do it, I can do this.

Where is my confidence? I used to own it.
I must find it and her (meaning my old thick skinned and backboned self).

I can do this and I will also start with some of Erica’s suggestions.
Grab a hobby, away from school and work. Have fun with it.

So this is what I bought. A lovely portable sketchbook. I love how it fits into my mid-size purse without weighing it down.
I have even started some doodling action on it.

Would you like to see it?

I hope so. I could sure use some feedback. I am rusty and hope to get better at it. For most of my life I have pencil sketched and it served me well regarding mental quiet time.
I used to sit in my living room with my father, and as he read the daily paper, I would sketch away.
Those were lovely times. I miss them.

What is your hobby? I love hobbies and expanding the mind. It may give me an idea.

So I shall begin my sketch for today shortly (since I am at work right now).

I do hope that you will like it.

Focusing is a Difficult Task



Do you get distracted easily? I do.

Do you lose focus, even when you don’t want to? I do.

I find it outstanding that my brain has so much power over my body. If I am angry then my body temperature heats up. When I feel sad and depressed, then my body feels cool. When I feel happy (though sadly short lived at this time) my temperature is all over the place.

I am baffled, really.

Anxiety is such a powerful word and I don’t underestimate it or overestimate it. I am trying to sustain an even keel about it.

It is so difficult for me to accomplish.

Yesterday I was ready to leave the job. Jump ship.

Today I am grateful to be there with such wonderful people. I admit there are a few undesirables, but that’s everywhere, right?

I know that I analyze myself and the people, places and things in a over the top fashion. I also know that I must stop it.

It’s a roller coaster for me. 

I have tried so many things and what?

I must be doing this to myself. I understand that I am the only one to blame.

I know I must re-focus my goals and work extra hard to not let anyone or anything distract me.

Life can be beautiful…if I let it.

Time to focus on the study unit of municipal bonds.

Wish me luck 🙂 

Thank you.


Can I Just be Sad Today?


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Is everyday like a see saw?  Up and down continuously?
Do you feel emotional? I do.
Can’t I just be sad today?

I’m glum. I’m disappointed and sad.
There are too many reasons. It would have to be separate blogs.
Yes there’s that much. We all have a story to tell.
Today is a work disappointment. I feel like a dog chasing after my tail to receive a meeting with the manager.

Position changes are happening here. Several people are now getting settled in their new responsibilities.
I congratulate them, genuinely.

My issue is that I’m performing a workload that should be for two people. It’s crazy busy every day.
I just want to know where I stand?
Salary raise to match the position?
Keeping doing this with zero benefits of financial increase?

I am tired of guessing. And it only makes my anxiety and depression all the more powerful. I abhor guessing games.

Now I’m keyed up all the time.

I feel like a good cry is in order.

Should I feel guilty about that?

I tried for other jobs but it’s only agency on top of another agency.
I’m conflicted, anxious, scared and exhausted.

How do you do it.
I’m positive for too short a time. I wish it was longer.

Well…Time to finish up so I can leave at a decent time.
I think I’ll take the rest of the day off any emotional decisions.
What do you think about that?