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I look and I read. I take deep breaths and take long walks. Do they help? Sometimes.

I have been focusing on my studies so much lately that I haven’t had a chance to stop and smell the roses.

Shame on me, right?

I have been reading more about the meaning of the name Rhona and I am astounded. What an enriching meaning.

It reminded me to get my creative side back. I miss that part of myself.
Before anxiety and depression took such a tight grip on my life I used to be so involved in my creative ways.
I used to pencil sketch all the time. I still have my sketch books and they await my return. My paint box is slowly drying because I haven’t touched it for more than five years.
My journal book goes in and out of my eyesight. I love to write short stories and poetry.
Reading about Rhona only reminds me that I must stop.
Is this procrastinating or fear?
Is this depression or lazy?

I know that I am conflicted deeply.

What can I say except that I know that I must keep trying to get out of this grip before it eats me alive.

I look for inspiration in the name. I see inspiration in my small group of friends.
I see inspiration in my fiancee.

I just hope for it to take hold on me.


I feel like a stormy sea that won’t stop beating against the homes.
Will this ever end?
I miss laughing. I miss smiling.
My eyes hurt.

Am I alone in feeling like this?