What can a person say about a friend who is so special and so generous that it brings tears to your eyes.
That is how I feel about my friend Erica. A welcomed surprise, my friend. It started out as business, but it became a friendship to me.
No, not the kind that you call each other every thirty minutes and yap away. No, not the kind that giggles like school girls.
Those were fun times, when it was age appropriate.
Now is not that time. Erica is my mentor, my inspiration and hope for my future.
No I have not put her or anyone else on any pedestal, but I am just so grateful to know her. I learned more from Erica than I could in any Ivy League college.
She is for real and I am honored and blessed to know her.
When I am down in the dumps and I reach out to her, I get a little pep talk and a push to stop it, don’t be scared and just do it.
Sounds easy, right? Well, I did take her advice and I must admit that she was right. There are some things, some decisions that should have swift action without thinking.
My thinking could have exploded my anxiety and made me fall into a deeper depression.
Not with Erica to talk to. She’s that special. She is objective and a realist, as far as I can see, and I love it.
I am tired of having those sad days. It still gets very difficult to get up from the waters of depressive drowning, but with Erica’s words of work hard, study hard, never give up and just do it, I can do this.
Where is my confidence? I used to own it.
I must find it and her (meaning my old thick skinned and backboned self).
I can do this and I will also start with some of Erica’s suggestions.
Grab a hobby, away from school and work. Have fun with it.
So this is what I bought. A lovely portable sketchbook. I love how it fits into my mid-size purse without weighing it down.
I have even started some doodling action on it.
Would you like to see it?
I hope so. I could sure use some feedback. I am rusty and hope to get better at it. For most of my life I have pencil sketched and it served me well regarding mental quiet time.
I used to sit in my living room with my father, and as he read the daily paper, I would sketch away.
Those were lovely times. I miss them.
What is your hobby? I love hobbies and expanding the mind. It may give me an idea.
So I shall begin my sketch for today shortly (since I am at work right now).
I do hope that you will like it.
Do you get distracted easily? I do.
Do you lose focus, even when you don’t want to? I do.
I find it outstanding that my brain has so much power over my body. If I am angry then my body temperature heats up. When I feel sad and depressed, then my body feels cool. When I feel happy (though sadly short lived at this time) my temperature is all over the place.
I am baffled, really.
Anxiety is such a powerful word and I don’t underestimate it or overestimate it. I am trying to sustain an even keel about it.
It is so difficult for me to accomplish.
Yesterday I was ready to leave the job. Jump ship.
Today I am grateful to be there with such wonderful people. I admit there are a few undesirables, but that’s everywhere, right?
I know that I analyze myself and the people, places and things in a over the top fashion. I also know that I must stop it.
It’s a roller coaster for me.
I have tried so many things and what?
I must be doing this to myself. I understand that I am the only one to blame.
I know I must re-focus my goals and work extra hard to not let anyone or anything distract me.
Life can be beautiful…if I let it.
Time to focus on the study unit of municipal bonds.
Wish me luck 🙂
Is everyday like a see saw? Up and down continuously?
Do you feel emotional? I do.
Can’t I just be sad today?
I’m glum. I’m disappointed and sad.
There are too many reasons. It would have to be separate blogs.
Yes there’s that much. We all have a story to tell.
Today is a work disappointment. I feel like a dog chasing after my tail to receive a meeting with the manager.
Position changes are happening here. Several people are now getting settled in their new responsibilities.
I congratulate them, genuinely.
My issue is that I’m performing a workload that should be for two people. It’s crazy busy every day.
I just want to know where I stand?
Salary raise to match the position?
Keeping doing this with zero benefits of financial increase?
I am tired of guessing. And it only makes my anxiety and depression all the more powerful. I abhor guessing games.
Now I’m keyed up all the time.
I feel like a good cry is in order.
Should I feel guilty about that?
I tried for other jobs but it’s only agency on top of another agency.
I’m conflicted, anxious, scared and exhausted.
How do you do it.
I’m positive for too short a time. I wish it was longer.
Well…Time to finish up so I can leave at a decent time.
I think I’ll take the rest of the day off any emotional decisions.
What do you think about that?
What a beautiful tribute. Such love.
RIP Paul Walker.
An amazing talent.
I certainly hope and pray that everyone is alright.
I understand that it is winter.
I understand that it’s cold and snowing outside. But…can I say enough?
I, along with many people that I know, have had enough.
Now it’s the combination of Winter Storm Sparta and Thor. While I love legend stories of Sparta and Thor, I dislike it being associated with snow, sleet and ice.
My car is iced shut. The salt layed out results at zero. It’s too cold for it to work.
The snow is soft yet slippery. Then it started raining/sleeting. My shoveling was turning into a non fun exercise time.
My back (with 5 herniated discs) were cracking like a bowl of rice crispies. It was a weird feeling.
Then as I was finally making a shoveling dent…I fell. It wasn’t a usual fall.
I fell on my right side, which is where all my ailments are. My discs pain is in my right side lower back. My pinched nerve on my sciatic nerve is also on the right side.
Now I’m black and blue there too.
The pain was and still is mind-boggling numbing. OMG!
I needed help getting up and brought inside the house.
Now I lay pretty motionless and in pain.
Oh winter go away.
I only hope that you all are safe and careful out there in these storms.
It’s it just fascinating. Life!
You walk and walk towards something or someone. You take a rest.
It is highly exhausting. But these days we all live in a busy world.
I just had to stop!
A woman I know is gravely ill. She may pass on any time now. Her poor organs are slowly shutting down with zero chance of improvement. She is in a hospital and the doctors said in plain english that she’ll never return home again.
It’s very sad. Somber time for her family.
Her husband is in denial.
I can relate a little. When my first husband passed away, besides his family, I told no one outside the circle that he was gone. I just said that he was still busy working in California. My denial. I kept that story going for six months until someone said something and it triggered my emotions.
I blasted away.
He’s doing similar things. Mr Bob is up and down in his mood. He’s beside himself.
I stopped walking the busy life and ran to my mom.
I cried and cried with tremendous joy and love to her. I had to let her know, again, of how much I love her. I also told her that I like her. I expressed as much as I can.
I already miss my father, who passed away about twenty five years ago.
I had to let her know how much I love and appreciate her.
Life is fleeting. I hug my mom. I hug my sister and her family.
I hug my Joey.
A hug goes a long way in my book.
So I say…appreciate and express yourself if you can. Your loved ones can be gone in an instance.
I lay in reflection. I take a study break and smell the roses that love provides.