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Has 2015 already hit you below the belt?
Has it knocked you out…emotionally?

It has for me…already. Nipping it in the bud, six days into the new year is in order.

I just do not know where to begin. Here’s my list:

1. The Fiancee/Marriage
2. The job
3. Residence
4. Money!!! The root of many things.
5. Anxiety, Stress, Panic, Depression

I can truly go on and on and on. I will do my best to keep this as short as possible.

In a nutshell, since 2011, at the height of my panic attacks, I was demoted with a paycut. Aahh the corporate world sure does know how to take a bite out of us/me.

Whatever scandal my former bosses did, I was the collateral damage. Oh the lies spread were so thick, you could have put it on bread like butter/lard.

I was lied to about everything. The promises of my position, workload and pay were supposed to have stayed the same, but then the yanked the rug from under me.

Talk about a spiraling of anxiety and panic attacks. I was dumbfounded and devasted at my plunge, especially since the problems had nothing to do with me.

Rebuilding is a hard thing to do. I do know that I am not alone in that. I wish all of us good and genuine people would catch a break.

Then, three years of anger and frustration. After three years of inhumane treatment from a high school type management, I finally got a transfer to another branch.

The sigh of relief!!!!???

Well……

Yes, I do love being in this office. It’s not perfect, but worlds better than before.

But…as time goes by I can see that although the people here are lovely, my position and pay will not be as before.

I am saddened by that, especially after twenty one years in the financial industry. I have sat in every chair but the broker chair.

I have worked in various departments and yet I am not happy. I deserve better than this. I worked hard and did not kiss up, but I feel a defeat.

I come to a conclusion more everyday that I must move on.

1. I crave that condominium in California.
2. I would like to have a career with more money to live and not just survive (and I don’t mean luxuries, but paying bills without sweating)
3. I would like to elope/and get over the fear of marriage/committment
4. I would love peace of mind again
5. I miss the old me

This year, 2015, I am extra determined to rise above the potholes of yesteryear.

It starts tonight when I have my heart to heart talk with Joey.

I am sad today because realizing the truth can be sad.
I believe, as I take my deep breaths, that once the sadness fades, that I shall feel free and thankful.

I do want California, so it is time, right?

Any suggestions?

I may feel defeated and sad right now, but I will not let it rule me.

I shall overcome and thrive. I do not accept defeat, just feel it.

Time for another highway/freeway 🙂

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